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Three Facets of Stability: Why I Waited to Have a Baby

2012-02-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

At 31, nearly five months pregnant with our first child, I can’t help but reflect on the journey that got me to where I am today.

When you travel by plane, the flight attendants always review an important concept: Put your own oxygen mask on first. They remind us that we can’t help our children if we don’t help ourselves. In life, putting on my oxygen mask first meant developing some stability for myself and for my husband before bringing someone else into our world. I’m not saying this is the best or only way to go about it, just that it was very important to and right for me.

1. Relationship Stability

My husband and I have had a blast over the past ten years playing, traveling, and creating memories together. I can’t imagine not having that time to get to know each other and truly become best friends. Living with someone is no easy task, and it takes time to learn each other’s idiosyncrasies. Over time, you fall into a rhythm with household chores, shopping, and paying bills. You learn how to negotiate conflict. You learn to trust.

I’m not sure I can put into words how the way I look at my husband now is different than it was ten years ago, but it is. We’re close in a way that only time can create. It’s the little things, too: I know that when we travel, he never forgets anything—everything we might need is tucked neatly away in our suitcase. He knows that when I’m angry, I usually just need a little time and reassurance. And the everyday stuff isn’t even a question anymore, it just happens. When one of us is down, the other picks up the slack. Dinners get made and garbage gets taken to the curb. Routine creates stability.

2. Personal Stability

My mother had my oldest brother at 19. She became “mom” before she even knew who she was as a person, and I watched this role swallow her up slowly. I vowed not to let that happen to me. Before I ever became a mom, I needed to know who I was and what I wanted, and the 20s are formative years where one can learn exactly that.

My education and career are invaluable to me, and I needed time to embrace them. This part is impossible to summarize, but I’ll do my best to be brief. College taught me many lessons, but more important than what I learned from books was what I learned about life and people. Throughout and following college, I had various jobs that taught me even more about myself and others. I’ve worked jobs I hated, I’ve had some great mentors, and I’ve experienced a few professional accomplishments. Working makes me happy and fulfilled—being established on my own path to personal accomplishment before starting a family was a must.

Finally, whether it’s eating healthfully and exercising regularly, or taking care of my mental health, I have learned how to take care of myself. How could I teach a child when I was still one? Sure, I still have a long way to go (I have plenty of my own emotional demons), and I hope the learning never ends, but now I feel comfortable setting an example.

3. Financial Stability

This one seems obvious, and yet many people don’t agree. In one breath, my father-in-law told me that children aren’t a financial decision, and in another breath, he complained about women who have eight children and can’t afford to take care of them all.

For me, it’s more straightforward than that. I grew up always worrying about money. Our family never had enough to make ends meet, and I watched my mother stress for hours over the checkbook. I didn’t suffer (financially); I had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. But I want more, and I want my child to have more.

I needed to feel financially established before having a kid. I wanted us to be able to take some great trips and enjoy life before we started a family. Moreover, I want to be able to share experiences like that with my child. If he wants to participate in something in school, I don’t want to have to say no because we can’t afford it. I don’t want him to be spoiled, but life is hard enough without being teased about your clothes in junior high or barely scraping through college. I simply wanted us to put our family in the best position possible. We don’t have tons of money, but I know we’ve done our best to have two solid incomes and plan financially for what our child is going to need.

To reiterate, I realize that people do things in different orders and I believe that they should follow the path that is most appropriate for them. However, the choice to create stability in my life and learn to be an adult before having a child was genuinely important to me. I’m immensely grateful for the experiences I’ve had over the past ten years and I’m ready to have lots more—this time with my soon-to-be son.

Have Your Pizza and Eat It, Too

2011-10-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, my husband and I like to hunker down with a movie and a tasty dinner. This flavorful pizza feels like junk food, but it won’t destroy your diet.

Using hummus instead of sauce makes it interesting, and it tastes so good, you’ll never miss the cheese. The creamy texture of the hummus and the roasted flavor of the vegetables made me say “mmm” with each bite.

(Mix it up with vegetables and hummus flavor of your choice!)

Hummus Veggie Pizza

Recipe adapted from Quick-Fix Vegetarian by Robin Robertson

1 eggplant, sliced

½ to 1 cup sliced mushrooms

1 small yellow onion, sliced

¼ to ½ cup artichoke hearts, chopped

¼ cup sun-dried tomatoes, chopped

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

½ teaspoon dried marjoram

½ teaspoon basil

¾ cup hummus

salt and pepper

1 prebaked or homemade pizza crust

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Drizzle the eggplant, mushrooms, and onion with olive oil to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Grill the vegetables until tender—I use a cast iron stove top grill sprayed lightly with cooking spray—and sprinkle them with marjoram and basil.

Place the pizza crust of your choice on a metal pizza pan that has been sprayed lightly with olive oil and spread the hummus evenly across it. Arrange the veggies over the crust. Bake for 10 minutes.

It's Slipping Away

2011-09-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

Heat is sultry. Heat is memorable. Sticky and sweet, like a child enjoying a Popsicle. Summertime is when stories are born and shared. Colors are more vivid and feelings are stronger. Love swelters and conversations hang in the air. Friends and families gather and talk past twilight, swirling drinks and savoring cool desserts. Sunsets, vacations, and photographs.

Summer 2011, I am not ready to let you go.

Three Fabulously Girly Finds for Summer

2011-07-31T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is a bit of a diversion from my normal blog topics, but I’m a sucker for fun, girly beauty products. Here are a few of the purchases I’m really digging this summer:

Kat Von D True Romance Eyeshadow Palette in True Love – This was a birthday splurge, but I can’t get over the quality of this eyeshadow! It’s really pigmented, lasts all day on my lids, and the shades in this palette look great with my red hair and brown eyes. I’m going to have to restrain myself from purchasing another set right away (I love Sephora!).
Sonia Kashuk Lipstick in Dahlia – I’m normally a lip gloss girl. I hate sticky, dry lipsticks, and I hate never knowing until you get home that a lipstick is all wrong. However, this lipstick, which I picked up on a whim at Target, is fantastic! It’s really creamy, it smells nice, and this shade gives my lips just the right hint of healthy-looking color.
Essie Nail Polish in Smooth Sailing – Another guilty pleasure of mine: fun nail polish. It’s an affordable, easy way to accessorize. My favorite pick this summer has been this color from Essie because it makes me feel like I’m taking a little bit of the beach with me everywhere I go.

Let's Get Grilling Season Started!

2011-05-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

These tangy, mouthwatering pitas are the perfect way to start off the summer grilling season. The yogurt sauce will leave you craving more, so if you share this with friends, be prepared to share the recipe, too!

Grilled Eggplant Pitas with Greek Yogurt Sauce

Recipe adapted from Cooking Light, August 2010

1 large eggplant

1 tablespoon + ½ teaspoon kosher salt

1 6-oz container plain reduced-fat Greek yogurt

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano leaves

¼ teaspoon black pepper

2 garlic cloves, minced

½ red onion, cut into thin slices

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 6-inch pitas, cut in half

1-2 cups arugula

1. Cut the eggplant into ½-inch slices. Using the tablespoon of salt, sprinkle both sides of each slice. Sweat the eggplant by letting it rest in a colander or strainer for 30 minutes. Rinse the slices and pat them dry with a paper towel.

2. Stir the ½ teaspoon salt, yogurt, lemon juice, chopped oregano, pepper, and garlic together in a small bowl.

3. Brush the eggplant and onion slices with olive oil; grill on a rack coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes on each side.

4. Stuff each pita “pocket” with eggplant slices, onions, yogurt sauce, and arugula.

Soup Until Summer

2011-03-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

Winter is waning, and I can’t stop dreaming about summer: evening chats on the porch swing, outdoor walks after dinner, Friday-night happy hours on the patio, a great pair of new sandals, and the feel of sunshine on my skin.

But for now I’ve got many chilly, rainy spring nights to get through, and homemade soup is my antidepressant. I love the smell of the “Southern trinity” sautéing on the stove. Since I can’t have sunshine, I’ll settle for this low-calorie, savory soup warming me from the inside out.

Black Bean Green Chile Soup

Recipe adapted from Taste of Home’s 2010 Healthy Cooking Annual Recipes

1 red, orange, or yellow bell pepper

2-3 celery ribs

1 yellow onion

2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed

1 can (14.5 oz) petite diced tomatoes

1 can (4 oz) chopped green chilies

1 teaspoon cumin

3 cups no-chicken or vegetable broth

1 cup instant brown rice, cooked

Tofutti sour cream for garnish

1. Chop the bell pepper, celery, and onion. Sauté this “Southern trinity” in olive oil until tender (I make this dish in my Le Creuset, but any large nonstick pan or Dutch oven should work fine).

2. Add the beans, tomatoes, chilies, and cumin; stir in the broth.

3. Bring the soup to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes.

4. Stir in the cooked rice. Serve with a dollop of vegan sour cream in each bowl, if desired.

References

Taste of Home. 2010 Healthy Cooking Annual Recipes. Wisconsin: Reiman Media Group, 2010.

How I Became a Vegetarian

2011-02-26T13:56:00.000-08:00

The hardest part about being vegetarian is explaining my vegetarianism. I don’t like uncomfortable conversations or confrontations, and by its very nature, vegetarianism is controversial. People love food. They take it personally when you have something negative to say about what they like to put in their mouths. I love food, too. My passionate relationship with food has made this transition more difficult, and yet, all the more important to me.

My “food relationship” has changed a lot over the years. As a kid, I was a picky eater. The fact that my mom wasn’t exactly a great cook didn’t help. By the time I was in high school, I hated food. I only ate because it was necessary to sustain my being, and I used food (or lack thereof) as a way to feel in control of my life. I remember thinking once that it would be much easier if no one had to eat at all and we could take pills instead of suffering through a plate filled with my arch-enemy.

In college, I didn’t know how important food was to my health—I spent my freshman year fulfilling my dream of living on sugary cereal and Hostess cupcakes. After I was diagnosed with mononucleosis and human parvo, I suspected that my diet wasn’t what it should be. I stopped taking my health for granted, but I still didn’t like food much.

Along came a man who could cook. One of our first dates was on St. Patrick’s Day, and he invited me to his tiny apartment, where he cooked me the traditional meal of corned beef and cabbage. On our next date he cooked the best burgers I’d ever eaten. Meal after meal, I grew more interested in food. Before I knew it, I was enjoying onions and garlic, two wonderful ingredients I thought I disliked. Also before I knew it, I’d married that man, and I was on my honeymoon, snarfing down coconut shrimp, plantain chips, clam chowder, and everything else the Cayman Islands had to offer. I was enjoying the culinary world like never before.

To date, my husband and I have spent years together in the kitchen, chopping, dicing, sautéing, pureeing, seasoning, grilling, and exploring food together. I’ve discovered a love for everything from gourmet sushi to barbecued pulled pork. We have shelves filled with well-used cookbooks, and we love few things as much as dinner parties and good wine.

Then came Eating Animals. We saw Jonathan Safran Foer on The Ellen Show, and weeks later, his exact words may have been forgotten, but his message was still in our heads. My husband ordered the book online. He read it first, and I watched as tears rolled down his face—twice. I’ve rarely seen him cry. He told me about some of the things he’d read and we started cooking vegetarian meals. Away from home, however, I was still eating meat and trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I put off reading the book. “I can’t,” I said. “I don’t want to know because I’m afraid I’ll stop eating meat, and I like meat.”

Several months (and one meat-filled vacation to Alabama) later, I made the decision to read Eating Animals. Safran Foer is an excellent writer, and it’s an easy read. But nothing about the topic is easy. I cried in the bathtub when I read the letter from Frank Reese, the last "truly independent"poultry farmer:

“I don’t allow baby turkeys to be shipped through the mail… I care. All my animals get as much pasture as they want, and I never mutilate or drug them. I don’t manipulate lighting or starve them to cycle unnaturally. I don’t allow my turkeys to be moved if it’s too cold or too hot. And I have them transported at night, so they’ll be calmer… I pay them twice as much to do it half as fast. They have to get the turkeys off the trailers safely. No broken bones and no unnecessary stress…

People care about animals. I believe that. They just don’t want to know or to pay. A fourth of all chickens have stress fractures. It's wrong. They're packed body to body, can't escape their waste, and never see the sun... People focus on that last second of death. I want them to focus on the entire life of the animal” (114-115).

I cringed when I read that more than 95 percent of chickens are infected with E. coli, and 70 to 90 percent are infected with campylobacter (131). And the process for killing chickens is anything but pleasant. People don’t want to know that the chicken they are eating was killed by dragging it through an electrified water bath (the bird is now immobile but still conscious), an automatic throat slitter, and a scalding tank, at which point their heads and feet are removed, and a machine makes a vertical incision to remove their guts. Contamination typically occurs here, “releasing feces into the bird’s body cavities” (134). Apparently the cooling tank is referred to as “fecal soup” due to all the bacteria and feces floating around. No wonder so much of the chicken purchased at the supermarket is contaminated.

Safran Foer devotes an entire chapter to “shit.” That’s right, I’m talking about feces again. He states that “farmed animals in the United States produce 130 times as much waste as the human population—roughly 87,000 pounds of shit per second” (174). No one is treating this waste like sewage, either, and creating waste-treatment centers. Nope. It just sits in a huge open-air pit, sometimes referred to as a “toxic lagoon,” where it seeps into rivers, lakes, and oceans (178). Yes, farmers have fertilized their crops with manure for centuries, but this is more manure than could ever be absorbed by crops.

I won’t go into detail about how cows are killed, or how often they are alive during this process. Let’s just say I’ll never look at a hamburger the same way again. That part of the book was among the most difficult to read, but there’s no need to belabor the point.

So what is the point? After all the reading and learning I’ve done over the past six months, I could write a whole book about the negative environmental impacts of factory farming, or about the health benefits of a vegetarian or vegan diet. I could go on and on, but I don’t need to—if you are at all interested, I highly recommend both Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer and The Food Revolution by John Robbins. Both of these books changed my life, my husband’s life, and the life of any children we may choose to have someday.

My relationship with food now is completely different than it was even a year ago. The funny part is, I don’t miss meat much. I’ve enjoyed exploring a new world of food filled with myriad vegetables and interesting new ingredients. I don’t go hungry nor am I unhealthy—quite the contrary, in fact. My husband and I are creating new food traditions for our family while doing our part to make the world a better place. We still make flavorful, fantastic dishes, we still have great dinner parties, and we feel great.

My decision to be vegetarian (almost vegan, really) is a personal choice, and it has made me a happier, healthier person. I don’t need to justify that to anyone.

Works Cited

Safran Foer, Jonathan. Eating Animals. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2009. Print.

Robbins, Johnn. The Food Revolution: How Your Diet Can Help Save Your Life and Our World. 2nd ed. San Francisco: Conari Press, 2011. Print.

Earn a Sloppy-Joes Hug

2011-02-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

One night last week, after a long day at work and a tough spin class, I came home feeling ravenous. To my delight, I was greeted at the door by the smell of these sloppy joes simmering on the stove. I was suspicious of a vegetarian sloppy joe, but these surprised me! My husband didn’t confess until after I’d tried them that they had ketchup and mustard (two condiments I could do without), but once I’d tasted a bite, he was rewarded with a big hug and a happy wife.

Wife-Credit Sloppy Joes

Recipe Adapted from Quick-Fix Vegetarian by Robin Robertson

1/4 cup diced onion

1 12-oz package vegetarian meat crumbles

1 4-oz package diced green chiles, drained

3/4 cup ketchup

3 tablespoons yellow mustard

2 tablespoons sweet pickle relish

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon chile powder

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

salt and pepper to taste

4 hamburger buns (or whatever rolls you prefer)

Heat 1-2 tablespoons oil in a nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, cover, and cook until softened. Add the meat crumbles and green chiles. Stir in the ketchup, mustard, and pickle relish. Add the seasonings, and salt and pepper to taste. Simmer until hot, about 10 minutes.

Serve in hamburger buns.

References

Robertson, Robin. Quick-Fix Vegetarian. Missouri: Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, 2007.

Totally Vegan, Totally Delicious

2011-01-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

How about a vegan recipe this week? This recipe has heart-healthy walnuts, lycopene-rich tomatoes, and fiber-filled, cholesterol-lowering broccoli.

But if that’s not enough to entice you, this comforting pasta dish is truly yummy. Who would’ve known that raisins would turn into sweet little bites of flavor and be wonderful in pasta sauce? The very best part is that the whole thing comes together quickly, so it makes an easy weeknight meal.

Broccoli Pasta with Tomatoes, Walnuts, and Raisins

Recipe adapted from Vegan on the Cheap by Robin Robertson

1 lb broccoli, cut into florets

1 lb penne

3-4 garlic cloves, chopped

1/3 cup toasted walnuts, chopped

1/3 cup raisins
1/4 cup Italian parsley, minced

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon dried marjoram

1 14.5-oz can diced tomatoes

1 14.5- or 32-oz can crushed tomatoes

1/2 teaspoon sugar

Steam the broccoli until tender, four or five minutes. Rinse under cold water to stop the cooking process. Set aside.

Follow the package directions to boil the penne until al dente.

Cook the garlic in a little olive oil in a preheated skillet for about one minute. Add the walnuts, raisins, parsley, basil, and marjoram. Stir in the tomatoes and the sugar. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer the sauce until the liquid is slightly reduced. Add the broccoli and heat through.

Add the cooked, drained pasta to the sauce, tossing gently to combine.

References

Robertson, Robin. Vegan on the Cheap. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2010.

Eat Delicious Food AND Help Prevent Cancer? Yes, please!

2011-01-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

The American Cancer Society states that “eating a diet made up of mostly vegetables, fruits, and whole grains can help reduce cancer risk.” They also state that most of the foods you eat should come from plant sources. Because cancer has touched the lives of many people close to me, I’m interested in doing whatever I can to minimize my risk (and my family’s risk) for this terrible disease.

Here’s another flavorful recipe full of healthy vegetables and legumes. You could eliminate the cheese to make this vegan, or use different vegetables you may have on hand. We love Mexican food at my house, and my husband devours these enchiladas!

Black Bean Enchiladas

Recipe adapted from Taste of Home’s 2009 Healthy Cooking Annual Recipes

1 onion, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

½ cup sliced fresh mushrooms

1 garlic clove, minced

2 teaspoons olive oil

1 15-oz can black beans, rinsed and drained

¾ cup frozen corn, thawed

1 4-oz can chopped green chilies

1 packet reduced-sodium taco seasoning

1 teaspoon dried cilantro or parsley flakes

6 (8-inch) whole-wheat tortillas

1 can enchilada sauce

¾ cup shredded reduced-fat Mexican cheese

Sauté the onion, pepper, mushrooms, and garlic in oil until crisp tender. Add the beans, corn, chilies, taco seasoning, and cilantro or parsley flakes. Continue to cook for two or three minutes.

Warm the tortillas, and lightly spray a 9 x 13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Scoop about ½ cup of the bean mixture into each tortilla and roll up, placing the seam side down in the pan. Pour the enchilada sauce over tortillas and sprinkle with cheese. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes.

References

http://www.cancer.org/acs/groups/content/@highplains/documents/document/04februarypresentationpdf.pdf Accessed January 9, 2011.

http://www.cancer.org/InYourArea/HighPlainsHawaiiPacific/LocalStories/good-nutrition Accessed January 9, 2011.

Taste of Home Healthy Cooking 2009 Annual Recipes. Wisconsin: Reiman Media Group, Inc., 2009. Print.

Pineapple, Peppers, & Protein

2011-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

As a recently converted vegetarian, home cook, and food lover, I’m always looking for nutritious, tasty, meat-free recipes. I love the flavors in this low-fat recipe, especially the tang of the sweet and sour sauce. Kidney beans are a great source of fiber, protein, and iron. Bell peppers add a nice crunch and vitamin C.

Sweet & Sour Veggie Medley

Recipe adapted from Taste of Home’s Light & Tasty Annual Recipes 2004

8 oz pineapple tidbits

¼ cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon cornstarch

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

¼ cup white vinegar

2 tablespoons reduced-sodium soy sauce

1 onion, cut into wedges or strips

1 green pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces

1 red pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces

1-2 sliced carrots

1 garlic clove, minced

2 16-oz cans kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1-2 cups brown rice, cooked

Combine the brown sugar, cornstarch, and ginger in a bowl. Drain the pineapple into a measuring cup, adding enough water to equal ½ cup. Add to brown sugar mixture. Stir in the vinegar and soy sauce. Set aside.

In a nonstick skillet or wok, stir fry the onion, peppers, and carrot in a little olive or vegetable oil until crisp-tender. Add garlic and stir fry for another minute or two. Stir in the pineapple tidbits and beans; heat through. Stir in the soy sauce mixture and bring to a boil. Cook and stir until thickened, about one to two minutes. Stir in rice.

It's Here...

2010-11-21T12:14:00.000-08:00

The first official day of winter isn't until December 21st, but here in SLC, winter has definitely arrived. It snowed a lot last night, and it stuck to the ground. I guess it's time to accept this winter season and start preparing for Thanksgiving this week.

This year marks our first vegetarian Thanksgiving. Our dishes include a vegan turkey roast made with seitan, vegetarian gravy, and a pumpkin roulade. The roulade has a decadent marscapone cheese filling with candied ginger (yum). A friend is making vegetarian stuffing, and I'm sure there will be plenty of vegetables, rolls, and potatoes to stuff our bellies--not to mention copious amounts of wine!

Angry About Apathy

2010-11-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were young, in school, and it wasn't cool to care or make an effort? I am continuously surprised at how much life is still like that, even as an adult. I find myself constantly attempting to lower my expectations and wondering why other people don't care. I don't want to come across as self-righteous, but I have strong beliefs and I'm driven to do what I believe are the "right" things. I'm not religious, nor do I think I'm perfect. I have a lot to learn. However, assuming I'm not forcing my beliefs on anyone else, I don't understand why it bothers other people so much for me to be passionate about my beliefs (more on that in future posts). People seem to be annoyed when others even make an effort.

For example, I read an article this week that only 33.2 percent of people in my state voted in the recent midterm election. Really? I hear people bitch day in and day out about politics, but they can't be bothered to take 15 minutes out of their day to stop by their local polling place and vote? That's sad.

When I got to work after voting, a coworker commented (knowing my political beliefs), "I see you wasted your vote again this year." Well perhaps if the other 66.8 percent of people, or even 20 or 30 percent more of them, made an effort, their votes and mine might count a little more. I shouldn't have to apologize for my belief that my vote counts, and it certainly counts a lot more than not voting at all.

Finding Warmth in a Cold Season

2010-11-01T11:56:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and this time of year always puts me in a reflective mood. As the daylight wanes and the weather turns cold, I struggle to push away the darkness in my head. November inevitably turns into December, the worst month of the year. However, despite my often jaded, pessimistic outlook, I am thankful for the love in my life.

My own flesh and blood has never been a consistent source of love or happiness, but I have an amazing chosen family. My husband, two cats, our best friends, even my work family bring me so much joy.

I know I'll spend Thanksgiving with fabulous friends and we'll spend the day cooking and eating delicious food, drinking wine, and sharing our day together. I look forward to that warm, fuzzy feeling I get knowing we've found our own family in one another as we sit around the table, laughing and telling stories. Everyone feels welcome. It's a warmth I never knew as a child, and I'm so thankful I found it. I may not have a traditional family, but I'm having the last laugh anyway.