This Year, We Can Breathe

It was supposed to be our first Thanksgiving. I pictured us piling in the car, the baby snug in his seat, and driving to Grandma’s house, where we would enjoy sharing our first child with extended family. Sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you’ve planned.

Instead we sat at the table, tears welling in our eyes, and tried to care about the tofurkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes on our plates. I looked over at my sweet five-month-old, unaware of the oxygen taped to his tiny face. He looked so pale and fragile in my husband’s arms. Only this morning we’d been to the “Suction Shack” at Primary Children’s—probably the sixth trip this week. I’d dressed him in his Thanksgiving outfit, the one that I’d picked out for his first big holiday. Now it made me sad, a painful reminder of an attempt at normalcy.

Thanksgiving 2012

My baby was diagnosed with RSV for the first time at four months. He lived on 24-hour oxygen for two months because he couldn’t sustain the blood oxygen levels needed to breathe. On Christmas day, he was finally well enough to take off the oxygen, but only during the day. Two weeks later, he got RSV for the second time. This time we ended up in the emergency room—where he stopped breathing for the longest seconds of my life—then the hospital for a week. My world was full of darkness—a dark hospital room filled with beeping machines, driving home for a few hours of rest in the dark of night, and the darkness inside my head. I held my sweet, sick son every minute I was at the hospital. I refused to let him go. I soothed him to sleep, read to him, and loved him with everything I had.

When we finally brought our son home, he was still weak, and once again required oxygen 24 hours a day. My husband and I were emotionally and physically exhausted. My son continued to refuse sleep, as he’d done since birth. My mother-in-law moved back in, having stayed with us for two long months during the previous illness. She made us meals and held the baby when I couldn’t hold my head up any longer.

Several months passed. The darkness of winter began to lift, and, unwilling to put our son back in daycare, we hired a nanny. Slowly I began to breathe again. Our nanny was sweet and patient with the baby. In late spring, our son was able to come off oxygen during the day.

Summertime came and went. We celebrated our child’s first birthday. This milestone brought change, and our son finally started sleeping—and breathing. Magically, he was able to come off oxygen altogether. I soaked up everything around me and did my best to show my baby how beautiful the world can be. We continued to loathe giving our son a frightening amount of drugs every day, but we began to accept his asthma diagnosis.

Out of the Darkness: A Time for Gratitude

I still worry about my son every minute of every day, but this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for everything in my life. I’m thankful for my sweet, beautiful child, and for every glorious moment we get to spend together. I’m thankful that my husband and I survived the toughest time in our lives. I’m thankful that I’ve learned how resilient I can be, and I feel good about being a mom. I’m thankful that we found an amazing nanny, someone I trust with my precious child when I need to be at work. She has no idea how much peace of mind she gives me. I’m thankful that when I go to work, I’m surrounded by caring people who make me smile. I’m thankful for my friends, all of whom have supported me through the lows of the past year. I’m thankful for my in-laws, who have become my family. I’m thankful for my sister, who has finally found her place in the world. I’m thankful for my health.

Most of all, I’m thankful that this Thanksgiving will be different: A day surrounded by family, a toddler who can run, jump, and play, and me—a very thankful mom.

Have Your Pizza and Eat It, Too

On Friday night, my husband and I like to hunker down with a movie and a tasty dinner. This flavorful pizza feels like junk food, but it won’t destroy your diet.

Using hummus instead of sauce makes it interesting, and it tastes so good, you’ll never miss the cheese. The creamy texture of the hummus and the roasted flavor of the vegetables made me say “mmm” with each bite.

(Mix it up with vegetables and hummus flavor of your choice!)

Hummus Veggie Pizza

Recipe adapted from Quick-Fix Vegetarian by Robin Robertson

1 eggplant, sliced

½ to 1 cup sliced mushrooms

1 small yellow onion, sliced

¼ to ½ cup artichoke hearts, chopped

¼ cup sun-dried tomatoes, chopped

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

½ teaspoon dried marjoram

½ teaspoon basil

¾ cup hummus

salt and pepper

1 prebaked or homemade pizza crust

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Drizzle the eggplant, mushrooms, and onion with olive oil to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Grill the vegetables until tender—I use a cast iron stove top grill sprayed lightly with cooking spray—and sprinkle them with marjoram and basil.

Place the pizza crust of your choice on a metal pizza pan that has been sprayed lightly with olive oil and spread the hummus evenly across it. Arrange the veggies over the crust. Bake for 10 minutes. 

It's Slipping Away

Heat is sultry. Heat is memorable. Sticky and sweet, like a child enjoying a Popsicle. Summertime is when stories are born and shared. Colors are more vivid and feelings are stronger. Love swelters and conversations hang in the air. Friends and families gather and talk past twilight, swirling drinks and savoring cool desserts. Sunsets, vacations, and photographs.

Summer 2011, I am not ready to let you go.

Three Fabulously Girly Finds for Summer

This is a bit of a diversion from my normal blog topics, but I’m a sucker for fun, girly beauty products. Here are a few of the purchases I’m really digging this summer:

1.  Kat Von D True Romance Eyeshadow Palette in True Love – This was a birthday splurge, but I can’t get over the quality of this eyeshadow! It’s really pigmented, lasts all day on my lids, and the shades in this palette look great with my red hair and brown eyes. I’m going to have to restrain myself from purchasing another set right away (I love Sephora!).
2. Sonia Kashuk Lipstick in Dahlia – I’m normally a lip gloss girl. I hate sticky, dry lipsticks, and I hate never knowing until you get home that a lipstick is all wrong. However, this lipstick, which I picked up on a whim at Target, is fantastic! It’s really creamy, it smells nice, and this shade gives my lips just the right hint of healthy-looking color.
3. Essie Nail Polish in Smooth Sailing – Another guilty pleasure of mine: fun nail polish. It’s an affordable, easy way to accessorize. My favorite pick this summer has been this color from Essie because it makes me feel like I’m taking a little bit of the beach with me everywhere I go.

Let's Get Grilling Season Started!

These tangy, mouthwatering pitas are the perfect way to start off the summer grilling season. The yogurt sauce will leave you craving more, so if you share this with friends, be prepared to share the recipe, too!

Grilled Eggplant Pitas with Greek Yogurt Sauce

Recipe adapted from Cooking Light, August 2010

1 large eggplant

1 tablespoon + ½ teaspoon kosher salt

1 6-oz container plain reduced-fat Greek yogurt

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano leaves

¼ teaspoon black pepper

2 garlic cloves, minced

½ red onion, cut into thin slices

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 6-inch pitas, cut in half

1-2 cups arugula

1.     Cut the eggplant into ½-inch slices. Using the tablespoon of salt, sprinkle both sides of each slice. Sweat the eggplant by letting it rest in a colander or strainer for 30 minutes. Rinse the slices and pat them dry with a paper towel.

2.     Stir the ½ teaspoon salt, yogurt, lemon juice, chopped oregano, pepper, and garlic together in a small bowl.

3.     Brush the eggplant and onion slices with olive oil; grill on a rack coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes on each side.

4.     Stuff each pita “pocket” with eggplant slices, onions, yogurt sauce, and arugula.